Baking flans and making plans!

I didn't really know what a flan was until I googled it, but I knew it is baked and it rhymes better than the word muffin.

In reality, I'm baking oatmeal-flaxseed-chocolate chip muffins and sort of tentatively making plans.

I have a big project in the works.

I'm shaking and squealing a little as I type this.

-Albert Camus
image via weheartit

After a good long pep-talk in the truck from my handsome mister, with lots of you-can-do-its, and nothing-ventured-nothing-gaineds, I'm finally going for it. I'm going to start planning the concrete steps to open my etsy shop. It has been my dream for years to dye fibres and yarns with plant-based dyes to put up for sale and we finally have the space and I have the time to at least set this in motion. Logistically, this idea is still in its infancy but I have the drive and the support to finally tackle this. I have a spacious kitchen all to myself and a generous concrete courtyard perfect for setting out skeins for drying in the sunshine. I have a passion for picking and choosing colours that come straight from nature, and I truly love being so immersed and hands-on with my craft.

I'm going into this with the attitude that this is an creative outlet for me that I can fully throw myself into. I want to hone my techniques and make beautiful things that inspire others.

I've always been of the belief that anyone can learn to do just about anything. I've often tried to apply that kind of thinking to my own life when faced with a new 'thing' I've wanted to tackle. As of late, though, that attitude has simply fallen away, and been replaced by uncertainty, self-censorship and criticism, and a general lack of confidence. How can I do this? What makes me think that I can just start up and compete with this or that? What makes what I do worthwhile? You're either on the bus, or off the bus - and I've so been off the bus. Frankly, I've felt completely blocked. The following quote, from the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, has been floating around in my head.

"The need to be a great artist makes it hard to be an artist.
The need to produce a great work of art makes it hard to produce any art at all."

I'm learning to move beyond that takes courage. It takes some bravery to turn off the booming negative voice that says NOT GOOD ENOUGH and tune into the tiny, soft voice whispering excitedly hey, look what i can do. 

image via weheartit

Much of what Alex was saying made so much sense to me. I've heard it all before, but maybe today was just the right time to hear it again, as if for the first time -

Whatever it is, people do it, and therefore it is possible. Everyone starts somewhere. 

I feel like I'm finally able to follow my dreams. My baby, who I've waited so long for, is coming and I'll be holding her so soon. I'm blessed with the wonderful opportunity to stay home with her and be just what she needs. I have so much love in my life, and so much to be thankful for. I'm so excited to have found my passion and to have the encouragement I need through my own small circle to really get this off the ground. 

Soon I'll be doing just what I've wanted to be doing - caring for my baby, and making art for others. 

Oh, my heart...